| I spread my love like the legs of a crack whore. |
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[08 Mar 2008|02:04pm] |
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mood |
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suchin pak |
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our generation is a clusterfuck.
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[22 Feb 2008|02:20am] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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my american heart-white lines acoustic |
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is it bad that i crack my neck and back all the time?
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[28 Jan 2008|01:02pm] |
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music |
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the black keys, atmosphere, the beatnuts. |
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"I don't wanna go to hell..
But, if I do it'll be cause of you.
Any young man gonna make mistakes..
Till he hits the brakes.
My hearts on fire
With a strange desire "
-strange desire, the black keys
I am willing to accept my mistakes. Hell, recently i've been embracing them. I've been watching a lot of my friends make huge mistakes. It gets them down, I mean really down. I don't think they realize that the mistakes are going to make so much more of an impact on your life than the success'. of course this isn't always the case but I learn so much from my mistakes rather than having shit fall in my hands. You gotta work for the success you know. Personally, i've fucked up a whole lot. I walked around with the "fuck-up" label on my head for a while. But I used those mistakes to find an unconventional way of being successful. Honestly, fuck anyone who tells you that you cannot do what you want. Search for a loophole in every system, in hindsight I've found that peering down that dark scary hallway usually leads to a bright ass ending. And i'm not talking about glitter and free money. I desperately try to expose my friends to the joy of doing new things. New anything, learn something.
"New" of course, is different for everybody. New for me is helping someone out who i've never met before. Opening a door for the person who is obviously capable of doing it themselves. but, just for that glimmer of eye contact, personal connection, for one moment. It's such a great feeling to me like the feeling of condensation on the outside of an arizona iced tea bottle on a hot ass summer day. I try to make a change, I'm not boasting myself as this master of generosity. It's just as a human being I crave connection to people on a personal level, not popularity. Just being able to relate to someone and carry on a conversation. i enjoy meeting someone knew everyday, even if it's over a cigarette. I try to accept that most humans are generally good, despite those normal mistakes. I can tell when someone doesn't enjoy another's presence and hopefully i can avoid those negative people.
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| Empty Cup |
[24 Jan 2008|09:34pm] |
this is a poem i wrote a little while ago, i kept it private because it's really personal to me. I've considered not sharing it, but I don't know if i can really get over some of my feelings until i share them. I'm going to put up a spoken word version on my myspace for a couple days so you can understand the full effect. I've considered giving it at an open mic but i'm just not sure. well....enjoy
i came close to her
and she told me that i was the only one who really understands her
she told me this, mind you, as she popped pills back into her pretty little head
and said that most of her friends arent really real, that most of them are dead
i told her, "its fine because im a little dead on the inside, and i can make you feel alive if you don't mind"
she released every part of her that she had into me
and i said in my calmest voice that i think we might have a disagreement
see....all she wants is to love and be loved in return
but all i really want is to ingest her beauty, all i really want is to learn
understand why we're all here, and why this fucking world turns
find a god damn reason for the passing of the better seasons
she spent most of her childhood in hospitals while i spent mine melting popsicles
sucking freezies and hucking breezies
sandlot dreams of being more than just a preemie
because i lost faith before i even left the womb
the cord wrapped around my neck, the doctor knew that i was doomed.
i couldn't speak until the tender age of 3
and my whole life THEY said there was something wrong with me
i could never fit in, and i was always left out
and everything that i hated, was everything that THEY were all about
i left school with a minor case of depression
felt a lack of motivation, locked behind a door of mental oppression
thrown between therapists classifying mental disorders
I was just trying to release while they were building borders
i tried drugs that i thought i'd never touch,
and i've fucked girls in the heat of all the lust
and when i tried to open my mind she slammed the door shut
damn, i should have just gone with my gut
ha
and she still asks me why i can be so bitter
she says that im always throwing my two cents in
and i always start a conversation just to facilitate an end
but i did not create the world, i just spit to make it spin
and you are just a girl who decided to let me in
so.....the next time you ask me to open up,
remember that where most people have a heart,
i just have an empty cup.
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[24 Jan 2008|05:51am] |
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andrew stonestreet, loud ass kids |
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since this is a journal i guess i'll post something about myself.
I'm inching closer and closer to the person i want to be. I spent a lot of the past couple months wallowing in my sorrows, wondering why things won't go my way. I was also wondering why people didn't want to be around me and why I didn't really want to be around others. I went to canada, expecting to feel awkward and out of place, but I really fell into place with the people I was around. It kind of clicked that the mood I hold reflects how people react to me. People don't want to be around me when I'm a negative dick. The person I want to be is generous. Instead of desperately wanting people to like me I just desperately want to be there for my friends, I want to be there for you when you need me. Everything I have, is yours too. I want to share, it's been so long since I shared what I have with the world and it feels great. All i can really do is make art and music and I want to share that too, whatever it takes I suppose. I don't want to have to prove myself to anyone, i just want to accept and be accepted you know. I spend to much time pre-judging people, this damn internet game. It's like you think you know someone because of who they hang out with, or worse, the way they dress or look. I can't do it anymore, I want to be friends with everyone, and If I can't then just stay away from those negative people (like i used to feel) everyone seems so desperate to leave this place, mostly the young girls. Always wanting to go somewhere new. for some reason i feel fine with frederick, i know eventually i will leave. But there is bullshit everywhere, you just have to contain yourself. I talked a lot to old friends. My friend anna said that I'm a thriving extrovert when I'm with my friends and it makes it so easy to tell when i'm uncomfortable or annoyed with someone. I'm still working on that, i've got shit to work on before i just dip out and make new friends somewhere else. If I lose the friends here, who the fuck will i have anywhere else? I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to create synthetic friendships. I hope I meet a lot of people in my lifetime, and i already have. and i so badly want to effect lives the way others have effected mine. So i will remain here, alert to my surroundings and those i love (or i will grow to love)
of course I will have those downfalls, wondering what the fuck i'm doing with my life. But I always have those, when have i ever been sure of my future, or been able to predict what is going to happen. If I live for the moment I usually regret it less than if I thought out something only to be let down. I'm just trying to get this positive mental attitude down on lock, so if you want to chill, hit me up. because that's all i need to feel perfect inside, your lovely faces.
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[27 Dec 2007|01:27am] |
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amused |
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the cool kids and american gangster |
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ive been paying too much attention to making myself feel good. so i ask you? what could i do for you to make you feel good about yourself? (hell, i admit that in turn it will make me feel good.)
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[19 Dec 2007|12:54am] |
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matisyahu |
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i see people constantly strive for money, love, sex, drugs, acceptance, attention. Don't get me wrong, i've gotten caught up in all that shit. But, all i really want is what i create to outweigh what i destroy. i'm still working on that.
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[11 Dec 2007|12:37am] |
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anxious |
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www.myspace.com/aperfectkiss |
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"The light that surrounds you blinds me. I can't make out your name, I can't even translate one breath of this breeze into words I can understand. Beyond any shadows of doubt, I need to believe that I'm something of worth. Or at least just more than enough in light of every misconception and every misconstruing thought. I just want to be an angel. I just need to be a savior to someone. I just want to be beautiful to someone who matters."
-a perfect kiss
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[26 Nov 2007|10:02pm] |
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jordan, el-p, cage |
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i feel like no one understands where im coming from. then again, maybe everyone understand where i'm coming from, they're just coming from a different place. where are you coming from?
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[26 Nov 2007|08:43pm] |
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FUN STUFFF |
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HEY READ THIS!!
i've been off livejournal for a while and read a couple entries!!! you all seem to have fallen into a minor case of depression. Maybe not depression, confusion with where you're going in life, what the fuck is going on, feeling sad!?
well...I feel the same way. It's cold and dark outside, there's nothing to do, everyone's working or going to school, days seem so routine. IT SUCKS BUT IT WILL BE SUNNY AND FUNNY AND WARM AGAIN!!! and you will make new friends and you will learn new things and you will taste new foods, and you will make new lovers, and you will make love, and you will meet beautiful people with ugly souls, and you will meet ugly people with very interesting things to say, and the leaves will grow again and flowers will bloom, and so will your heart, except it might explode. so watch out!
in other newsssss.....
i have a myspace for design/art stuff www.myspace.com/crackdengraphics I just got a mac so expect some new animation/design/music stuff. and im going to illinois/wisconsin for a week. you might wonder.....where the fuck did dylan go? well i've been smoking a shitload of pot and writing a shitload of music and art. WAIT WHAT THATS NOT RIGHT.....i been doin me, come do you with me, come do me and ill do you while doing you and me, WORD!
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[26 Nov 2007|08:30pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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parts and labor, maps and atlases, tera melos |
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stupid and poor malnourished whore
drinking the piss of every CEO on the block
folding under failure, begging for more
gagging on George Washington's massive mummified cock
fuck everything in sight
confuse wrong and right
crushed bones in dirty water
lock away your dirty daughters
drenched in a thick rain of mass media
after a drought of cultural influence
drowning in a pool of dirty money
sucking off the boss for dirty honey
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[01 Nov 2007|01:38am] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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john butler trio. |
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i would rather live in a different country.
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[25 Oct 2007|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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busy |
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souls of mischief |
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let me elaborate, i was just asking if anyone else gets tired of doing the same shit everyday. I wasn't implying that i thought i was better than anyone else. Just saying that I want to escape from my daily routine and not be busy for a while. Maybe quit getting high for a little....As for the anonymous internet style dissers.....
"i'm givin' all i got, that's all i got to give, you gotta live and let live"
anyone checkin' out cyrano and the sea tomorrow? good tunes will massage your brain.
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[24 Oct 2007|11:13pm] |
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across the universe |
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am i the only kid in this town my age who wants to do more than work, go to school, attend to internet websites, and get fucked up all day?
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[16 Oct 2007|09:05pm] |
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chipper |
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86 the effort, pasadena |
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are you sick of putting your life off til' the weekend?
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| Chairry. |
[11 Oct 2007|11:11pm] |
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anxious |
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John butler, dave matthews, the beatnuts |
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most people like to fool themselves into believing that they can fully understand another's perspective.
bullshit, your rational thinking and decision making are completely defective. When I wake up in the morning i don't write a five page report justifying why I went to sleep in the first place, it just happens. shit happens, and i get to clappin' till my hands go numb and my brain goes dumb, and when my brain goes dumb, shit i can't cum, mental masturbation requires more than physically erotic stimulation. psychologically sexed up by good housekeeping magazines, housewives give handjobs to handymen handing out junkmail, husbands struggle against erectile disfunction until the coffee goes stale. Young girls blunder full frontal nudity across the world wide spiderweb, thunder thighs, zip ties, brutally beer-battered bosom covered with a erotichocolate spread. Our forfathers paved this forest with concrete carrying dreams in their head of vehicles with poor gas mileage and women with poor dignity giving themselves up to man's unethical will to destroy.
You can repeat a story all day, but that won't make it happen again.
EVERYONE COME TO THE FILM FEST SATURDAY!!!
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[07 Oct 2007|09:12pm] |
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cheerful |
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aesop. |
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lots of friends coming together for productive causes this weekend. nervousness, get mad blunted, business, mushrooms, filmmaking, mixing trippy beats, god, fags, laugh attacks, sweat, altered perception of reality, mad heads in frederick, party/music/skate in the street.
EVERYONE COME OUT AND SEE OUR SHORT FILM WE MADE FOR THE SEVENTY TEW HOUR FILM FESTIVAL! its gonna be wild. outrageous shit, trailer soon. and the fallen lie is playing with seabears, there last show at the muddpuddle on friday!!!
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| c'mon |
[02 Oct 2007|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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aes roc |
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stand up, celebrate the natural need to own what ain't earned
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[23 Sep 2007|09:42pm] |
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busy |
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aesop, rob sonic, luckyiam |
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what the hell am i supposed to do?
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| HEY |
[19 Sep 2007|10:20am] |
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common market |
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HEY EVERYBODY, I really enjoy music I can relate to, and I feel like a lot of us can relate to this song, so you should check it out, its by a rap group called "common market" the song is called "push", it's about dealing with life and conforming to bullshit and struggling and survival.......check it.
Recognize your right to push back.....
Suffocated by the pressure to perform
And the pressure to produce and the pressure to conform to the norms
Animated by the pressure to succeed
And the pressure to succumb and the pressure to believe in a cause
Predicated on the pressure to accept
And the pressure to explain and the pressure to perfect
What is inherently flawless, in all this
Recognize your right to push back...
I already told you – I am not deterred by fear
See accountability to me is a whole ‘nother theory
So my obedience is not to ever be mistaken
For faith in the creation, but in the fact I am conscious
Of my reliance on the inability of science
To justify sound on the grounds of profound silence
Why then is the molecular configuration labeled ‘secular’
When it’s relegated to a genre?
That which is from the mortal order’s not built to last
Irrespective of the measure of skilled craft
So what Jah bless let no one curse
I coerce the clergy, showin’ no mercy to the pontiff
Yes – and the muezzin’s understandably upset by the clamor
I climbed and tied the banner to the minaret
Don’t forget the pact, and
Recognize your right to push back....
Overwhelmed by the pressure to defer
And the pressure to concede and the pressure to concur with the words
Illustrated by the pressure to comply
And the pressure to appease and the pressure to apply more pressure to your
Peers ‘til the pressure puts them
Under pressure to defend why they choose not to amend
What is inherently gorgeous, in all this
Recognize your right to push back....
Lest ye judge and deem the position extremely biased
Identify me as ‘self righteous’ and ‘pious’
I assail even the stale efforts of the Baha’is
Endeavors have failed to make available Hiphop
To the youth at large, when in truth it’s hard to refute God
Music is conducive to producin’ art
Between you and me, I’m through with stringin’ beads
And singin’ of flowers and waves and leaves – it’s not
That I’m a separatist, my suggestion is: we address the risk
Of giving the impression we missed the point
To progress with the kids – not in spite of ‘em
By request, invited ‘em to bless this spot
So when it must be justice, we clutch this (mic)
Clingin’ to the cord – they cannot afford to ignore the value
And when they doubt you
Recognize your right to push back....
Aggravated by the pressure to mature
And the pressure to endow and the pressure to endure criticism
Generated by the pressure to be numb
To the pressure of the thumb of the one holdin’ you down not allowin’ you to
Run from the pressure to be fine
With the pressure to align with the pressure to abide by the rules
Of the lawless, in all this
Recognize your right to push back...
www.myspace.com/commonmarket
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uglytelephone's journal